maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
