I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
