Swine flu. Run for my life!
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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