I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
