i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
