Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Do you have feelings for this penis?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
