Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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