Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
