It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
ugly people sure do ruin things
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
