Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
