Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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