Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
