Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize