Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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