Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
