Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Can I color on your dick again?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
