PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
