Welp...herpes.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
