I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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