I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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