It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
