Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
