talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
