I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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