So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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