I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Randomize
