remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
