Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
We have started to decorate penises.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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