is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
