dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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