8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
