He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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