Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
