I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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