have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
