I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
