glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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