I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
