remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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