Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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