Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
