mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
