Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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