Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
