Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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