I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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