Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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