No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
