He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize