I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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