Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
