Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
