if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I can't put those talents on a resume
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
