I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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