Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
