It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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