i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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