So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
