He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
