Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
