Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
