Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
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