my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
