My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Dick very happy bro
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
