Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
