In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
