Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
