I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize