Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize