You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I checked into jail on foursquare
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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