heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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