had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
