Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
