Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize