Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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