I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
