I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
