I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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