thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
