you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I need moral support for this bender
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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