making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
