You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
