I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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