I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
My vagina just recognized that song.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
