You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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