So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
